Mark 10:2-16
“Relationship Status”
October 6, 2018
There is tremendous curiosity about who people are seeing, married to, partnered with to or spotted with. One need only take a peek on-line or at any of a host of television programs or space given to pairings in what would otherwise be considered serious newspapers. Words like dating are no longer common while the phrase “hook up” has taken on a very different meaning in the past few decades. Couples are now waiting longer to get married, if they do at all. The vast majority of couples who do marry here in the U.S. have lived together before marriage and now 40% of all babies born in Vermont are born to unmarried parents.
Facebook has many pros and cons to it. One aspect of this site, which has 1 billion users worldwide that is often the butt of jokes and seen as somewhat unreliable is titled “Relationship Status.” This profile characteristic is the stuff of much speculation because of what is meant by terms that would seem fairly clear-cut to many of us but are definitely up for interpretation such as single, in a relationship, engaged, married, its complicated or in an open relationship. You may find it hard to believe but there are actually people out there who misrepresent their status and/or tend to present themselves as they would like to be seen. And it is fascinating to note how frequently there is movement from one status to another and how closely that movement is observed by other people.
I remember that immediately after one of the weddings I officiated at a few years ago, while enroute to the reception, the couple both made a point to change their relationship status to “married” so as to declare it for all the world to see – or at least the part that is on-line. I know some of you must be thinking – are they really on their phones minutes after making their vows? Sadly, though, there have also been unforeseen outcomes when one party interprets a relationship differently than another and has that urge to go public on Facebook with this update. The results can sting deeply.
I struggle with the first part – the divorce part – of this passage. These words from Mark’s Gospel are really hard to hear if we do not consider what was happening when this instruction was offered by Jesus. The Pharisees, as so many others during Jesus’ ministry, are posing a question with no good answer. In fact, Jesus is very aware that these religious authorities know what has been written in the law. It comes from that would-be Biblical rulebook Deuteronomy that is filled with lots of dos and don’ts that we have come to understand as products of their time. Depending on who and for what purpose the interpreting is happening, we might gloss over the tough stuff when it suits our needs or these can be viewed as rules to be rigidly adhered to when that has fit a need for law and order. Just listen to what Moses has to share: “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.”(Deut 24: 1-4) Pretty harsh to our contemporary ears, isn’t it?
In Jesus’ response there is a desire to bring to bear the Kingdom of God on earth. Thank goodness, he voices the equality of men and women in marriage that is clearly missing from the law as cited in Deuteronomy. He refers back to the hardness of hearts in that time and cites this in the calling for such stringent rules. What Jesus points to in his response is a new way, an ideal way. His message always points to God and away from the earthly divisive activities that separate us humans from God and from each other so he uses a technique that can be frustrating to hear. Jesus rebuts one teaching from Hebrew Scripture with another. He pits, in effect, the two against each other. Jesus answers the question of the validity of the passage in Deuteronomy by citing words from the first couple of chapters of Genesis. In the creation story, Jesus reminds us of the oneness of this union that has been joined by God. Every wedding that I have had the honor to officiate at has been entered into with a deep desire for a lifelong partnership, especially nowadays when there are options for two people who are in love. And still we are very aware that divorce will occur in 40 to 50 percent of marriages and I’m quite conscious of the fact that many of you have experienced divorce yourself or witnessed the divorce of someone you love and that there is real pain and grief when a marriage ends.
Importantly, Jesus is pointing toward equality of both partners when it comes to marriage and this was not the norm of his time. In this difficult passage, Jesus is offering a measure of protection by saying a wife cannot just be discarded which he knew would most likely leave her destitute or having to prostitute herself as she would have no rights and may come away with nothing. Jesus gives value to women here as he does with children who are lifted up as models for how all of us are to be. Jesus is showing us a world where the vulnerable are treasured. What Jesus has to share is the good news that God has love not just for men but also for women and children. God champions the smallest, weakest, least likely to be heard among us. Who is that now? Is it women and children still? Were we to truly acknowledge the equal worth of each other, our world would be a very different place – just the kind of place that Jesus came to proclaim was God’s intention for us.
As we continue to struggle with these teachings of scripture, as Christians, which voices will we listen to and give a space to at the table? How do we balance Scripture, tradition, reason, experience and conscience? These are our challenges as thinking humans who are trying to make sense of our world. The world has changed in so many ways over the past two millennia and yet we still have among us the haves and have-nots, the powerful and the powerless. What will it take for us to live into the Kingdom promise that Jesus came to share?
I pray that on this day when we are about to come to the table along with fellow Christians around the world, we would also recognize our shared struggles. Together we are attempting, with God’s help, to work toward the world God envisions for us – one built on a love that knows no end. Amen and amen.